all the old songs we like to hear
by kelophie
Summary: Four times Maura Isles hated Christmas, and one time she didn't.


**AN: This is my first Rizzoli & Isles fanfic, and I'm pretty excited. Any mistakes are, of course, mine :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli & Isles. **

1.

She's five years old and coming back from school, beige backpack drooping off one shoulder and skirt slightly creased. When she reaches her home, she excitedly exclaims, "we learned about Father Christmas at school, mama, and Miss Fletcher said he visits all the good children and brings them plenty of presents!"

But with a condescending smile playing at her lips, Constance Isles only shakes her head and laughs. "That's a silly lie that adults tell to their children, Maura. There is no Father Christmas."

Five year old Maura still giggles. She still believes her mama's only joking- that the next morning, she'll wake up with presents that Santa left under the tree. It happens to all the other children in her class, after all, so of course it will happen to her.

She is especially good for two weeks; eats all her vegetables, tries harder to recite her French, doesn't squirm when her mama brushes her hair. On December 25th, she runs down the spiral staircase and rushes to the living room.

The space underneath the tree is empty.

Maura's heart shatters that day.

2.

When Maura is eight, the teacher at school tells them to write a letter to Santa.

"But Father Christmas is not real! My mama says so!" She protests, hazel eyes wide and lips pursed into a frown.

"That doesn't mean we can't pretend," teacher says with a wink.

Maura simply looks horrified at this- "You mean lie?"

"Not necessarily," teacher explains, "think of this as…a creative writing task."

At this, Maura reluctantly begins writing what is more of an essay than a simple list. While the other children laugh and throw glue and glitter at each other, she sits on a table, alone, pen in hand and tongue sticking out in concentration.

When her work is handed back out, she finds out she earned not only one, but two stickers, along with a "Well done!" and a smiley face.

For one second, she is proud, until some boy calls her a nerd, and for the rest of the day, that is what everyone says in a sing-songy voice, until she runs into the bathroom in tears.

No one comes in to comfort her.

3.

In the first year of her new boarding school, Maura is ten and does not want to enter the annual Christmas talent show.

"It will be fun," her friends (a small pack of girls with parents richer than Maura and a history of pranks) insist, and so for some reason, she caves in and signs up, writing "Maura Dorothea Isles" in block letters on the sign-up sheet.

On the day of the show, she stands onto the stage, with fidgeting hands and blushing cheeks. _Good posture, remember to have a good posture_, she thinks desperately to herself.

"Hello, my name is Maura Isles and I will be performing Ave Maria. Thank you," she says in a shaky voice.

She opens her mouth to sing.

And then many, many girls, including one especially kind older student who had tried her best to contain a smirk, begin bursting into laughter. She knows it's not due to the song choice, but simply because she is incredibly out of tune. The same friends who convinced her to enter the stupid talent show in the first place give each other nudges and knowing smiles.

It is this, not the fact that nearly everyone is ridiculing her voice, which causes Maura to run out of the room in tears.

The only time she ever makes friends, they get her publicly ridiculed. And so she decides, from this point, to just be alone.

(Who needs friends, anyway?)

4.

At the age of eighteen, Maura meets a man with wavy hair and dark brown eyes named Garrett Fairfield. _Oh, I understand how you feel_, he whispers to her on Christmas Eve while their parents are away on some fundraiser party. _I had no friends…everyone at school teased me…my life was awful, until I met you…_

Maura is tired and lonely and fed up of being perfect. And so they sit by the brick wall of an abandoned building, swigging alcohol from a paper bag and looking at the stars. After hours of spilling their hearts out, she truly believes that this, maybe this, will be the first Christmas that she actually enjoys.

That is, before they drink too much, the rest of the night becomes a blur, and Maura wakes up the next morning with Garrett gone, vomit on her face and clothes stained with dirt.

Her parents find her like this on Christmas Day, hung over and soiled.

There are many things that Maura has been embarrassed about, but this is on a whole new level. This is the one incident that she will keep forever to herself, no matter what.

Some lies are worth getting hives for.

5.

"Merry Christmas, Maura!"

Maura Isles is thirty two, and opens her eyes to find Detective Jane Rizzoli perched on her bed, present in her hands and an eager smile on her face.

This is something she has never experienced before, and before she can stop herself, she finds tears forming in her eyes. The action slightly alarms Jane, who slowly backs away.

"You okay?"

And Maura smiles through her crying and nods. "Thank you, Jane. It's the first Christmas present I've ever received…this just means a lot to me."

Jane shrugs slightly, and tries to hide her grin. "It's nothing special. Just thought it was cute," she mutters nonchalantly.

Maura opens the box, and she emits a sound of surprise as she brings out a stuffed tortoise.

"This is- I just…" for once, she is lost for words. She struggles to speak for several seconds, before finally looking straight into Jane's dark brown eyes- so like Garrett's, but unlike them in the way that they were warm and understanding and made her feel like the most important person on the planet.

"I love it," she whispers.

And this is the beginning of the best Christmas that Maura Isles had ever experienced so far.


End file.
